Monday, November 5, 2012

An hour or two in the life of...

I thought I'd be able to update my blog on a regular basis, but grad school has been keeping me VERY busy (hello, no updates in over two months).

Additionally, Fibromyalgia (aka the Bane of my Existence) has been rearing its ugly head even more than usual.  Previously, I had been having back pain, with occasional pain radiating to my legs and arms.  I had very minimal "fibro fog."

Fast forward two months.  Now I have constant pain in my back and hands, with near constant pain in my legs and arms (and, beginning yesterday, my feet!).  Fibro fog is an everyday occurrence.  All events, bills, doctor appointments, etc. MUST be put in my calendar or I WILL forget.  I have told my husband (and counselor) countless times...I've been adjusting to my physical limitations (albeit slowly), but my mind used to be a veritable Rolodex.  There was nothing I couldn't remember.  The loss of my mental abilities has been most frustrating and depressing.

And the latest and greatest addition?  Complete and total disorientation upon waking up in the mornings.  Can you imagine the panic and anxiety that comes with that?  I mean, I literally cannot remember what day it is or even where I am.  It takes me anywhere from 30 minutes to 1 hour to adjust to my surroundings, check what day it is on my phone, check my calendar to see if I have anything planned for that day, etc.  Then another 30 minutes to 1 hour to literally get out of bed, check if my hands can grip my toothbrush and/or hairbrush.  If I can, then I can go ahead and start my day...if not, I have to attempt to stretch my hands so I can at least get those two items accomplished.

And this is all before 9:00am or so.  To compile a complete DAY in the life of, this post would probably be thousands of words long.

People always tell me how strong I am.  I'm not strong.  I'm weak.  I can't take care of myself.  Just because I can tolerate an excruciating amount of pain on a daily basis (6-8 average on the Mankoski scale) doesn't mean I am strong.  It just means I am unable to live any other way.

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